Dr. Ransom helped me crack the code on desperation and virginity in a way that I hope will be beneficial to all reading this.
As I have said for years, keeping your virginity when no girl you are attracted to is really tempted to sleep with you is following a hollow commandment. It is not being tempted to steal when you are surrounded by things you own. It is a non-issue.
In a circumstance like this, you might have some mental commitment to virginity before marriage, but you might think, subconsciously, that it is something that couldn’t happen anyway. A sense of desperation can unfold within you, and no woman finds desperation attractive so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This desperation can build up so much in your mind that when you get a chance (and a chance presents itself for most people), this building sense of desperation trumps your heretofore purely intellectual commitment.
The problem isn’t lust per se, it is desperation. If by learning game, by improving yourself, you remove the desperation, you also remove a lot of the temptation. You KNOW that you can get an attractive woman to have sex with you. You have met attractive women who HAVE wanted to have sex with you. Virginity still intact, you are no longer worried about it. You know (and I mean really know, no self-talk, no self-deceptive nonsense) you can get it.
You choose not to. Your intellectual assent has grown into a real virtue, chastity. Without the desperation, really dumb thinking cannot occur. If you do think about cracking, you know fully that what you are contemplating is harmful, and that it would be you choosing it. You are free and therefore responsible.
So, to my mind, the whole is virginity worth it (I mean God will forgive me, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize) line of reasoning is missing a key part of the equation. God’s will alone should be enough, but I think knowing that you are obeying because you can, not obeying because you have to is a real change in perspective.